I was wrapping a call with all my Portco CEO’s when Wifey ran into the study with a look of terror in her eyes. My mind raced to the worst possibility.

Did the groundskeeper make eye contact with you? Is your tennis partner doing that thing again? Did Montauk not get into Groton Pre K?

That is when my sweet little princess looked at me and screamed WE HAVE SQUIRRELS!

Turns out we have flying squirrels. Fully operational. Gliding around the attic as if they pay the housekeeper.

Naturally, I called a wildlife removal company. Very professional. Very calm. Then they sent the quote. It was north of a weekend at Torrey Pines to “humanely eradicate” the little buggers. (I also called Groton later to confirm that Montauk will be enrolling next fall, no problemo thanks to a quick donation from Grand Pa Pa)

And that’s when it clicked.

These pest removal specialists are absolute cash machines. No competition. No price sensitivity. When someone hears scratching above their bedroom and they confirm it’s not the kiddos, the checkbook opens immediately. Urgency-driven demand, fragmented operators, recurring revenue via inspections and follow-ups. Textbook roll-up.

So yes, we’ll deal with the squirrels. But more importantly, I’ve instructed my team to execute our playbook for family owned regional wildlife removal platforms without a CRM. Because if you’re charging luxury-handbag money to remove a flying rodent, you’re not a service business… you’re an asset class. I once again have Wifey to thank for what my pro forma tells me is about $100M of Ebitda in the tristate area along with PE Guy Pest Company in 2026.

Cupcake Financials:

Market Moves & Cupcake Closeouts 

I remember my first visit to a Spinkles Cupcake ATM. I was shocked they maintained such moistness and structure after being vended to me through a metal box. I was gobsmacked to see the headlines this week about Sprinkles shuttering all of its company owned bakeries effective Dec. 31. Founder Candace Nelson called it “surreal,” and people online are losing their minds speculating that PE private equity killed the brand. 

Here’s the private equity playbook in simple terms: keep your options open, make sure the finances make sense, and change direction if the business isn’t growing the way you expected. Sometimes that means closing company-run stores and focusing instead on partnerships, wholesale, or franchising.

Critics love to point at closures and shout “private equity did it!” But headlines rarely capture what actually happened. In this game, you respect the brand, you respect the narrative and then you model cash flows, because markets change and cupcake nostalgia doesn’t pay the bills.

Luxury Retail Meltdown: Saks Global Edition

Saks Global just pulled the CEO off the chessboard as debt pressure hits critical mass! They are dealing with serious money problems after missing a huge loan payment, which has sparked real bankruptcy concerns. In response, longtime retail figure Richard Baker is stepping in as CEO while the previous leader exits, signaling just how urgent the situation has become. 

Look, I’ve got respect for glamour retail as much as the next guy (wifey LOVES!), but this situation reads like a cautionary tale in capital structure gone wild: massive acquisition debt + sluggish demand in the luxury space + a balance sheet that’s suddenly not cute.

Instead of runway looks or holiday sales, the headlines are now about bankruptcy rumors, CEO shakeups, asset sales, and billion-dollar financing talks.

In other words: when your leverage starts out-leverageing your strategy, even heritage brands get humbled.

Bankruptcy is a play. But it’s also a reminder to respect the math that underpins every deal, even one wrapped in couture.

That said, from what I’m hearing, planes are full and profits are back. Airlines have stopped fighting over cheap seats and started focusing on the people willing to pay for comfort. Bigger premium cabins, better lounges, more perks. That’s where the money is now.

Budget airlines (YUCK!) are finding out the hard way that there’s only so far you can push “cheap” before the numbers stop working. So when someone says travel demand is “soft,” what they usually mean is budget travel. The real money is sitting at the front of the plane and airlines know it.

In Episode 005 of Due To My Role, I sat down with Joe Fenti, who is a Boston-based comedian. Very curiously, I learned that Joe worked previously in consulting and was an M&A guy. Some of my dearest friends are in mergers and acquisitions, and they absolutely PRINT money. I tried to understand why anyone would leave the world of M&A for comedy! Apparently, Joe does very well for himself.  If you’re into creator economy, stand-up comedy, or the operator side of building an audience-led business, this episode is a great listen! Subscribe for substantial founders, comedians, and the most interesting people on the internet with real stories and substantial exits.

Subscribe accordingly for substantial founders, comedians, and interesting people on the internet with decent stories and substantial exits.

Due to My Role is looking for the funniest PE Stories you got. Please submit a funny anecdote as it pertains to the beautiful world of private equity. Whether your local florist was sold to FLOWERCORP and you can only buy petunias on subscription now, or if you recently helped PORTCOS train AI robots to replace the senior citizen greeters at Walmart, we want to hear from you!

Submit your best stuff here, MY MAN!